The Secret to Getting Laid

Here it is fellas. The secret to getting laid.

Note: What I am about to tell you particularly applies if you are in a steady committed relationship, and will only fail if your partner is totally crazy and/or neurotic. In which case, let’s face it, you have bigger problems to worry about.

Clean.

Clean the house, the apartment, the camper, wherever you live.

I once saw a commercial (like, a decade ago) for an episode of ‘Everybody Loves Raymond’ in which Raymond is vacuuming the drapes and his wife says something to the effect of, ‘You have never been sexier to me than you are right now.’ I didn’t even watch that show. But I remember that commercial. It stuck in my head all these years because it is so true!

When your lady comes home from work, or school, or dragging the kids around, whatever it may be, there is no way she can focus on getting in a romantic mood if there are dirty dishes in the sink or the garbage lid isn’t closed all the way because the can is too full (and probably releasing an unpleasant odor in your kitchen).

As a woman, I can assure you. We hate asking you to do ‘chores.’ We don’t want to feel like a nag. By the time we ask you to clean something, we have already been thinking about it for who knows how long, so the situation is already dire.

If your lady comes home and the place is clean, and she didn’t even ask, you are so getting some. Now, here is the clincher, you absolutely cannot act like you expect anything in return! This will only turn her off and undo your efforts.

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Tip: Get the spots you normally wouldn’t do. That area near the bottom of the toilet bowl where tiny streams of pee leave yellow trails from when you missed just a little? Clean it. That corner where dust balls have grown up and had kids of their own? Get them. Move a chair and vacuum under it.

Nothing will turn her on more.

12 thoughts on “The Secret to Getting Laid

  1. So, I stopped by to visit as a thank you for visiting me. Now I am adding you to my reading list! And leaving this page up for my hubby to read! Thanks for the smile. :)

  2. Love your blog! Thanks for visiting mine too! And this is SO true. When I come home and my hubby had made the beds, did dishes, cleaned the living room and is folding laundry… .I want nothing more than to jump his bones. :)

  3. Amen. My exhusband couldn’t figure out why I never wanted to have sex. I tried to carefully explain to him that after working 3 jobs, doing the shopping, gardening, cleaning, paying the bills, walking the dogs, cooking dinner, and doing the laundry I just didn’t have the energy or inclination for sex. He thought that pushing the start button on the dishwasher after I loaded should have at least earned him a hand job and couldn’t figure out why I left the room in disgust.

  4. I’m lucky that my husband does in fact clean, but the thing he does that makes me insane is when I’m sick he’ll cook for me… by heating soup or chili… which I made and then had in the freezer for future use… and then say how “he made me dinner” Um, no, he reheated dinner. And then piled up the dishes in the sink…

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